a modest proposal
by thefudge is grumpy
Summary: "Kai, I swear to God, if you don't stop talking about elf babies I'm going to gouge your eyes out." (bonkai holiday fic)


_A/N: written as part of the "fluffy holiday fic" challenge, this is a bonkai request for prompt 7: cuddling for wamrth. I hope you enjoy this very bonkai-esque cuddling session! Also, the title is inspired by Jonathan Swift's infamously delicious essay about child cannibalism. Go read it if you haven't!_

* * *

Bonnie pulls the thick blankets over her shivering self. She's sporting two sweatshirts and a sweater, track pants, leggings _and _thick woolen socks and she's still too cold for comfort. She won't be able to fall asleep, at this rate. Her nose is freezing. She buries it in the pillow, cursing the idiot warlock who brought her here in the first place.

Speak of the devil.

Kai strolls into the bedroom, _whistling_, seemingly unaware of her presence. He dumps one of the hunting bags on the bed.

It lands right on her bum.

"Ow!"

Kai frowns. He cocks his head, finally noticing the lump on the bed. "_Bon_? What are you doing under the covers?"

The witch grumbles something that sounds like "cold" and "jerkface".

Kai plants his hands on his hips. "Well, that's no way to get in the spirit of things. Besides, it's not that bad. Have you tried heating spells?"

Bonnie's head pokes from the covers. She glares. "Wow, have I tried heating spells? No, it's not like I almost depleted my magic doing just that."

Kai scoffs. "Heating spells don't take up that much energy."

Bonnie would throw something at him but she's using it for warmth. "Maybe if you hadn't _siphoned_ half of my magic this morning I wouldn't be freezing to death."

Kai is slow on the uptake, but when he remembers what she's referring to he can't help but grin like a smarmy bastard. Oh yeah, he _had_ accidentally siphoned her this morning while he was spelling out her name with his tongue. Middle name and everything.

"Pretty sure you didn't mind it at the time," he points out, wriggling his brows.

Bonnie glowers. "I did, actually. I _told_ you it wasn't a good idea."

"You still let me do it, though. In fact, you got pretty vocal about me _not_ stopping. You said, Kai, if you stop right now I'm going to kill you –"

"I'm _definitely_ going to kill you," she growls, using the last bit of magic to throw him against the wall.

Kai presses a hand to his chest. "Ouch. I'm hurt. Both physically and emotionally."

Bonnie huffs. "Of course I didn't want you to stop doing…what you were doing. Just don't siphon me while you're at it. Is that too much to ask?"

"I didn't do it on purpose. I can't control my instincts in the _heat_ of the moment." And he has the gall to wink.

Bonnie pulls back the covers, fists balled. "That's it. You're sleeping outside tonight."

"Compromise," Kai interjects, raising his arms in surrender. "We get in bed together and I use _all_ of my magic to warm you up."

Bonnie scowls. "I'm _really_ not in the mood for sex right now."

"Jeez, Bennett. Get your mind out of the gutter. Have you never heard of cuddling?"

* * *

Admittedly, the other option was lying alone in bed, waiting for frostbite.

So even though she's still pissed at him, she lets him put his arms around her and be the big spoon. Kai pulls her to him and mumbles the heating spell that envelops them like a blanket made of sunshine. They snuggle against each other. Bonnie instantly sighs in relief. Kai gently parts her hair and presses a kiss to the side of her neck.

It's…really nice, but she won't ever say it out loud.

"Why such a grump, Bon Bon?" he mumbles between kisses.

"I can't believe I _believed_ you when you said this was a real get-away."

"It is a real get-away! It's the best holiday I've ever been on."

"Are you kidding me? You dragged us to some backwater village in Iceland just to try and steal some useless artifact."

Kai nips at her skin playfully. "You really need to work on your definition of useless. Do you realize the powers that thing could unlock?"

Bonnie elbows him none too kindly. "Powers we already have. We don't _need_ amplifiers. Most of them are fake, and even the real ones are not worth the bother. You already do enough damage as it is."

"Aww, you really mean that?"

"Besides, those weird-looking elves –"

"The Huldufolk," Kai provides, unhelpfully.

Bonnie glares. "Those _elves_ are not going to just let us waltz into their underground lair and grab the thing, and I am _not_ about to start a war with the – what did you call them? – the _Huldufolk_ for Christmas."

"Come on, where's your spirit of adventure?"

"Kai."

"Don't worry, we're not gonna start a _war_. We're going to kill them in their sleep. That way, they'll never know we were there. Conflict averted."

"_Kai_."

Kai pulls her closer, toying with the zipper of her pants. "The real issue is what to do with the elf babies. I mean on the one hand, there's killing children, but on the other hand, there's leaving them parentless, and are human orphanages any better, I ask you? I mean sure, Iceland is more progressive than most countries, so I guess the state-run orphanages are probably in pretty good shape, but even so-"

"Kai, I swear to God, if you don't stop talking about elf babies I'm going to gouge your eyes out."

"_Fiiine_. How would you handle it then? I still opt for sleep-killing them."

She groans. "I don't know. We strike a bargain. Find a win-win. Better yet, quit and go home."

"Quitting's for vampires," he scoffs. "Wait, you want to strike a bargain with the Huldufolk? Oookay, but they're known for being pretty slippery and mischievous."

Bonnie peeks at him over her shoulder. "I've been living with you for the past year. I think I can handle slippery and mischievous."

Kai looks down at her adoringly. "You really know how to make a guy feel special."

Bonnie rolls her eyes, small smile playing on her lips. "I try."

His hand has managed to evade the zipper and the thick leggings and has dived right into her underwear.

Bonnie arches against him. "I thought we were just cuddling."

"We are. That's how you cuddle in Iceland, you know. Gotta keep the hands warm," he says, fingers teasing her entrance as he peppers her jaw with kisses.

"Uh-huh…hands warm…" she mumbles, eyes fluttering shut. She's still pissed at him, she's just taking a break. He's unfortunately good with his fingers.

He's already dragging down her pants, but she has enough sense to warn him not to siphon her this time. Or _else_.

Kai grins against her mouth, crosses his fingers behind his back. "Promise, Bon Bon."

And she knows he's lying. She knows he'll still soak up her magic, but she's learned to steal some of his too.

When he kisses her like this, it feels like they're drinking from each other, like they're inexhaustible. It's the best and worst feeling in the world. It's them.

So even though it's Christmas Eve and she's snowbound with Kai Parker in Iceland, about to possibly risk the wrath of mythical elves, she knows she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
